POSTED: February 1, 2025
I went to a funeral last week. Now when I say “went”, what I actually did was live stream to my little laptop on my boat sitting in warm waters off Malta, a funeral that was occurring in Toronto where it was cold and in the middle of a multi-day snow storm. And when I say a “funeral”, it was in fact a true celebration of life.
It was a celebration of life not only because the lad was in his mid nineties when he died but that he had lived a life to celebrate. It is one of the three things that really stood out for me with him.
But I am getting a bit ahead of myself here. The background is that I only met him a few times but knew him through one of his sons – a very close friend.
The event was a Baptist Church service and while some good music would be assured because of it, all four of his children were musical and three of them worked with music as part of their daily lives. Is was very heavily music focused session and as funerals go, one of the best I have been to.
One of the things that characterized this man was that he was a “gentle” man. He was not prone to anger, nor being reactionary, instead being able to, if not empathize with the person who was behaving inappropriately, at least not escalate the conflict further. He was the one who would try to talk someone down off the ledge instead of passively watching or worse getting their camera out and challenging the person to jump.
The second big characteristic of this fellow was that he had lived a “complete” life. Now I have buried a number of people in their eighties and nineties who by any measure have lived a long life, but only some of them having lived a complete life. He immigrated to Canada from Jamaica. He and his wife were together for all of their adult lives until she passed a few years ago. They raised four good children to be proud of with an additional number of grandchildren and even great grandchildren. Right up to his passing he was involved every week with one of his kids or grandkids activities as a very active Poppi. He had a long career and was well respected in his field. And through it all, he had his spirituality. From first arriving in Canada, he joined the same church that funeral was held in, and throughout his long life was a very active force in its evolution, eventually becoming a Deacon. But more than the title, he was a model for many based on how he lived his life. As various people spoke of his role in their lives a little twist on the word kept entering my mind and really said it all in his case – Deacon as beacon.
And it is this part – following religious teachings to live a life, that has been creeping into my consciousness all week.
I grew up in a Christian family who went to church on Sunday, on special occasions like Christmas and Easter, baptisms, funerals and weddings. Occasionally, at family dinners grace would be said. Church was compartmentalized into those slots. When growing up I gobbled up the parables and would try to understand the homilies, but my relationship was with the church and not with God. So, when the church did what I thought were fairly nasty things like helping people in Africa and South America but with the religious strings attached, I was out of there. I did not realize at the time that the really nasty things the church I belonged to was doing were occurring right in Canada with the Residential Schools.
But I have always envied those who have a direct one-on-one relationship with a superior being. I am a simple fellow and am awestruck by how vegetation starts again in the spring after a harsh winter, or how blood knows to coagulate when exposed to air. Something designed this. Something infinitely more capable than humans today. I guess I am an agnostic.
I have also been intrigued by the common elements of most of the great religions. I have big issues with some of the major religions who cling to dated elements of differences in the genders, or perpetuate an element of “Us and Them”. But otherwise most of the major religions have codes or lists of DO THIS, DON’T DO THAT, which I find hard to argue against. These are simple rules to live by.
In my seventy-two years however, I keep seeing that it is the application of those codes or lists that is the issue. If everyone lived by them the world would be a much better place – something of a heaven on earth. But we live in a time of selectivity, carefully curating which rules work for us and which ones we find too restrictive. There is an American President today who sees all of the rules as “general policy guidelines” and totally optional when it comes to their use. Even taking out such an extreme example most people will be very adherent to most of the rules but a bit sloppy or interpretive when it comes to some others.
The man who passed last week did not select which rules worked for him. He didn’t reinterpret for his own purpose the rules. He did not take a statistical average of his performance on them where he got five out of five for some and 2 out of five for one, but kept a pretty good average. Instead saw them as binary – you only live by doing the right thing all the time on all fronts. I did not have a conversation with him in his last days, but have little doubt that he passed without regrets, without guilt and with satisfaction that he made peoples lives better and enjoyed his to the full as well.
I am not about to run out and go to church at this point. I am going to reflect on the example this man was however, and try to emulate that in my own life. All the rules all the time. The game starts now.
Django







